Needs and Wants

I'm probably showing my age here, but I remember the refrain from a Rolling Stones song:

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime
you find
You get what you need.

This song definitely came to mind in the last few days when I found out that I was not going to be able to do something I'd been looking forward to for months. This event was a one-time college reunion in Orlando with folks I haven't seen in more than 30 years. Ever since I heard about it last year, I'd been planning the trip with great excitement and I think I was one of the first people in the group to make their reservation. Several of us had been talking frequently online about all the fun we were going to have in the Spring, catching up after all these years. I just couldn't wait! After all the stress and loss of the last couple of years, I told myself I NEEDED this trip. I NEEDED the rest, relaxation, and fun.

And then, reality hit me square in the face. No matter how dearly I desired this trip and how hard I tried to make it happen, there were just some factors that kept coming up that were making it clear I wasn't going to be able to leave home at that time. I guess I understood this pretty early on, but I was so convinced that I deserved the trip, I think I ignored the truth for quite a while and kept planning and hoping that I could force it into being, inspite of everything that kept piling up to thwart my efforts.

Eventually, though, the facts won out and I had to admit defeat. Painful as it was, I emailed my regrets to the reunion planners and cancelled my hotel reservation. The party was over before it began.

I'm usually a pretty upbeat person, a "glass half-full" kind of girl, but I have to be honest and say that I did shed some tears over this one. It was a bitter pill to swallow. How could something I wanted SO much just fall apart like that? Didn't God know how much I NEEDED this relief? Didn't He understand that it was something I was looking forward to? Hadn't I been through enough to earn a little "R and R?" Surely God loved me enough to give me just this ONE time to be happy?

Maybe that sounds sort of unfaithful to question the Lord like that...but I have come to understand, with time, that God is big enough to handle my questions and my occasional gripe. He knows that, as much as I love Him, sometimes I don't understand Him and don't understand His ways. That's o.k. His Word tells me I WON'T always understand His ways...they are higher than mine and I just don't see clearly on this side of Heaven. He's told me that, one day, He'll make it all transparent as glass, but for now, He is patient with me and listens to me whine.

What He DOES do for me, however, is give me peace and comfort when things go His way instead of mine. As sad as I was about not being able to go to the event I thought I NEEDED, in time, I felt His love and His Spirit and I could hear Him telling me, "This was something you WANTED. I will give you what you NEED."

That is really where we get confused sometimes...that distinct difference between what we WANT and what we truly NEED. If we remember what Scripture tells us, though, the definition is pretty clear. The Word tells us, "My God shall supply all my NEEDS, according to His riches in glory..." Again, in another passage, He taught us to pray, "Give us this day, our daily bread." Not tomorrow's bread, not next week's...we are supposed to trust Him for today and let tomorrow be another day. We are never guaranteed to have all our wants fulfilled, but He does tell us He will handle the things that HE knows we actually need to grow closer to Him and to walk in the path He has planned for us. In the long run, wouldn't we rather have the things God thinks are best for us, rather than go off on our own and gratify ourselves based on what we think is best?

I can't begin to claim that I remotely understand why God didn't make this reunion trip happen for me. It was something I wanted SO much and, if I were God, looking down at someone like me, I think I'd have made a way. Thankfully, though, I'm NOT God! I don't have to understand why things do or don't work out. I just have to yield to the Lord and trust Him for the details and believe that, if I wasn't supposed to go in this direction, He had a pretty good reason for His decision.

In a strange way, just knowing that I don't know is sort of a comfort. I don't really need to know. What I "want" is not nearly as important as what He knows I "need."

When I finally get Home, I'll probably have alot of questions...but, thank the Lord, I know He'll have all the answers!