The Perks of Aging

One of my friends, a young mom with pre-K kids, recounted this exchange on FaceBook:
Son: Mommy you're not old!
Mom: Awww thanks!!
Son: But you look old...

Little does she know that this is just the beginning! I'm a few years ahead of her, with teenagers, and the exchange is more often like "You ARE old! Your jokes are old. You dress old. You talk old. Don't embarass me by being so old!" Ha! These are the same children that, as toddlers, said, "Mommy, I want to stay with you forever! I'll never leave you!" Now, they are counting the days until they can escape this tomb of antiquity and get out in the REAL world where the young people run free, unfettered by their elderly parents and their archaic ideas.

Laugh it up, kids! I know it's hard to believe, but I was young once, too. No, really, I WAS! Take a good long look children because this could be you one day...out of touch, out of style, droopy, uncool, and slowing down like a car outta gas. Your day will come, my young darlings, so enjoy your humor at my expense right now because what goes around comes around. Like the curse that has been uttered for generation after generation, "I hope you have kids JUST like you!" HA!

I don't really let any of that bother me, though. I gotta tell you that I'm pretty happy with the whole aging thing. Unlike alot of my peers, particularly women, I don't obsess with the mirror and the impact time and gravity are having on me from head to toe. I wear my "old" like a badge of honor. I am aware that I am in the minority and that very few members of my generation are remotely thrilled to be getting on in years, but I have to say that I am not too sorry to be past my younger days and into the vintage years of my life!

I have joyfully discovered that there are perks to getting older!! My favorite, of course, are the discounts. It is SO nice to strut up to a counter, slap down some ID and say, "How much is that for us OLD people?" Gimme my free coffee! Hotel room? 15% off! Senior shopping days at department stores! Senior citizen menus at restaurants! Everywhere these days, it seems like businesses are trying to lure us in, calling out to the older generation, "Come on in! We've got a deal for you grey headed folk!" It's awesome.

When I first turned 50 and started to qualify for some of these discounts, I had the added joy of being asked for ID to prove I was OLD enough! Oh, how delightful to hear someone say "But you just don't LOOK that old!" Ahhhhhhhh....

Another huge benefit of aging is no longer needing to be a slave to fashion. Let's face it, nobody really cares if somebody in there mid-50s looks like she just stepped out of the pages of Vogue or something! As a matter of fact, my kids would be VERY happy if I didn't even try to be fashionable and draw attention to myself! If I wouldn't mind going around with a paper bag over my head, they'd be really grateful (in this, though, I'm afraid I can't accomodate them...) I never again have to wear a short skirt, high heels, or panty hose if I don't want to. While I pat on a little make up now and then, nobody expects me to be wearing THE latest color lip stick or perfect blush to match my outfit. Recently, when I splurged and bought a tube of the newest mascera. My youngest son shook his head disapprovingly and called it, "Hooker make-up..."

I wear flat shoes, long skirts, baggy jeans, floppy sweaters and whatever the heck else I want to wear and, if somebody ever actually decided to critique my lack of fashion sense, I could disarm them with a single word..."OLD!!!" ("Oh, sorry...didn't realize...of course you are...carry on!")

Once upon a time, I went around being painfully aware that I was never quite cool enough, never quite smart enough, never quite "with it" enough, and never quite what every magazine and t.v. commercial SAID I should be. I couldn't dress right, couldn't act right, couldn't talk right, drink right, buy right, dance right, or live up to the impossible ideals I let the world set for me. Being young, quite frankly, was a pain in the ass!

Thank God for getting old!! What a liberating, freeing experience to know that the world no longer takes that kind of interest in what I do and that I don't have to please anybody else but ME! Like chains of slavery, the world and the weight of all its expectations have fallen away! I can dance any way I want, sing to the heavens, wear any outlandish costume I choose, play, read, eat, laugh, travel, shout, all in total abandon...because I have passed through some misty veil that once seperated the younger, repressed and insecure me from the place on the other side where I am free to be my own woman, whoever I decide to be!

Oh, yes! There are perks to getting older. I wouldn't go back in time for all the wealth in the world. Crazy old lady? You betcha! Silly, quirky, ridiculous, eccentric old broad? Proud of it!

Old people! Rebel! Don't let those jealous young folks try and keep their hooks in you by convincing you to nip, tuck, botox, girdle, and Weight Watch you into staying on THEIR side of the great divide! Run as fast as your aging old joints will carry you and wade over to this bank of the river where we gray folk are having a blast. Let them have their corporate jobs and Blackberries and tread mills and break downs and rehabs!

We have cake and dancing and comfortable shoes!! Hooray!